I had been doing so good.  My skins been looking so great.  I haven’t felt the need to chunk on tons of make-up just to hide the marks.  

But this morning I picked. :(  It’s always in the morning or at night.  Those are definitely my picking times.  I picked at my neck. which is the worse to me.  It wasn’t just a little either, it’s all over my neck.  It looks awful. Like I have bruises all around my neck.  I also picked a little around my jaw line.  I don’t know why I couldn’t just pull my hands away and stop.  It’s weird feeling no self control over what you do.  Anyways I’ll be wearing scarves for a week now.  

Tomorrow I’m suppose to go get my hair done with my mom, and I will not be able to wear a scarf.  I can put makeup on it, but it will still be obvious I picked.  It makes her so upset…and when my mom shows her version of “upset” it’s more angry and mean.  It’s not like she’s ever abused me or anything, and she is a great mother, but the skin picking just throws her out of control, and the stuff she says to me is not exactly nice. Then she’s angry for days and I feel awful.  I feel selfish.  I wish I could explain to her how hard this is for me, but she doesn’t really get it. She just tells me to stop, and she always asks me if I want to look ugly. :( obviously I don’t want to look ugly. thanks mom. 

Now I kind of just want to tell her I can’t go, because I have too much work or something.  I’m not sure I can handle the criticism. I already hate myself enough for picking without her making me feel like a terrible daughter. 

Anyways before this morning I had been doing so good. Barely picking. Wearing Tank tops even. (and that is so rare)  And I’ve been so happy.  I’m so grateful for times when I don’t pick.  I feel healthy.  It’s weird how picking is enough to make my day suck.  After I picked this morning I went back to my bed and slept in till one, because I didn’t want to face the day. I didn’t want to face my mom. Ugh. I hate that I pick.  I feel stupid that I can’t stop myself, but it really feels like I HAVE to pick sometimes.  Maybe I should go to therapy. :(  

Well, I am trying to make the redness on my neck go down by tomorrow.  Does anyone have any advice to reduce redness?  They don’t really seem like scabs, just like blotchy bruise looking marks.  Kind of like a hickey….great it looks like I have about 20 hickeys on my neck. :( 

soo any advice on getting rid of redness?

andy any advice in general on how to deal with skin picking??

You think I would have figured something out after ten years of doing it, but I’m always looking for new ideas.  I keep my fingernails really short and I took down the mirrors in my room which seemed to help.

alright well I just had to rant about my feelings for a little bit.  It helps.