I picked tonight. I sat and picked for about an hour and a half.  Then I cried, because it had been looking so good and I had to go and mess it up again.  I mostly pick at my shoulders and occasionally on my face.  Tonight I actually picked quite a bit at my face. I’m so embarrassed. 

I’ve been picking since I was around 11, and It’s just been bad ever since.  I spend hours in the bathroom in front of the mirror picking. It’s so disgusting. I don’t want to do it.  I always say that today will be a clean slate and I wont pick but then I always do.  I already have enough scars on my arms that I will never have pretty skin like other girls.  I’m embarrassed to even be with a guy because of it. :(   I’ve been a swimmer all my life, and I now work as a lifeguard, so it’s always exposed, and I always see people staring.  A few days ago a guy even asked me if I had cancer.  Then he kept pointing it out to his friends and saying “look she has cancer or something” …I wanted to cry. 

I hate myself so much because of this.  And it makes my mother upset, but she doesn’t understand it so she just yells at me and asks me why I wont just stop.  She makes it sound so easy….and I really wish it was, but for some reason it’s not.  

I never knew other people suffered from this disorder, and I never knew it was called, Dermatillomania until just recently when I started looking for answers online.  It’s good to know I’m not alone.  I really need all the support I can get and I want to help others who suffer as well.

I need to stop.  I need to figure out why I do this. I’ve been doing it for too long. It needs to end today.